i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
