You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
