I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize