I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
