Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
