i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
