I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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