weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone signed my nipple.
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