Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
