they said they heard you say put it in my butt
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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