I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
