a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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