just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
