i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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