sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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