oh god the rape fog is back!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
