Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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