you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
