I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
