haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
