dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
