His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
