The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
