so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
