you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize