If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
