Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sex in a hospital.. check
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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