there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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