I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
