i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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