i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
