Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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