while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
