Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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