I wanna bring you to show and tell
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
