Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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