Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
is it fun? or sober?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
