Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
