Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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