I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can I color on your dick again?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
pray to the hookup gods
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
