So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
