No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The air taste purple.
Randomize
