Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
