I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
