How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
