girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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