This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
