What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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