just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
