Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
