We won't sleep together?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
