bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mom said you looked used
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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