everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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