I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
