A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
