giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
