i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
