I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
