Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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