Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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