My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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