three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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