I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
