so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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