Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a hot homeless man
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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