just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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