Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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