you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Soap is not a condiment
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im holly from the hills drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
