Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
