I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
