I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
