Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize