at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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