she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
