So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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