I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
