Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
