I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
