Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
