just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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