Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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