Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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