At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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