capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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