Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize