Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Buhtt sex?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize