doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
