My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
