matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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