So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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